how do I get past this?

so yesterday took a turn for the worst (ish) with me and my illness. My small, suicidal thoughts that I thought were nothing suddenly lead me to try to overdose.

I found myself writing a goodbye letter to my boyfriend, taking as many tablets as I could find and swigging alcohol. I just wanted to die and I didn’t care.

What stopped me??

I told my boyfriend what I had done. He told my mum. She got angry. I panicked. I ran away and went to my dads. He called 111 (as I wasn’t too bad) and some paramedics came to check me out.

Because of what I had taken, it wasn’t enough to harm me therefore didn’t require A&E. But it did make cause for concern. This meant that now my dad, step mum and my local hospital were aware of my suicidal thoughts and intentions as well as my mum.

It’s all so messed up and I’m so confused.

I am staying with dad for a week or so as he feels it will be better for me, as does my boyfriend and grandparents. I suppose they’re right but I don’t know how long I want to be away from home for, despite everything that goes on over there.

I will have to face my mum at some point, and in these sorts of situations, we never see eye-to-eye. I will have to talk to my doctor, therapist, boyfriend and grandparents at some point too as well as get through my week of work without having to worry about everyone thinks of me, what is going on at home, how I will cope not being at home and being out of my normal routine.

How do I get over this? How do I come to terms with what I have done and what I have tried to do? How do I make my mum understand?

I feel so numb.

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3 thoughts on “how do I get past this?

  1. I know this might not seem like much but it seems like you have a lot of people in your life that care about you and would miss you if you were gone. It’s tough to shake these feelings, believe me I know, but trust me, you’re worth so much more than your sadness. I feel a lot better when I know my feelings matter. Like helping other people and sharing my own story. Maybe try that? Talk to someone who might not have anyone else to talk to and help each other out. I don’t know. I just felt the need to tell you that you matter. Keep fighting.

    Marki Beth ❤

    Like

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