trying and barley succeeding

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I know that with depression it’s immensely difficult and near enough impossible sometimes to get some, if any, emotion out of that little organ inside our skulls. It’s one of the most important and intelligent parts of us, yet it suddenly decides that it wants us to have a mental illness and make us think and do all sorts.

Even with therapy and anti-depressants I still find it hard to push emotion and feelings out towards my life. It’s like.. I know it’s there.. but it’s just frozen at the moment. Near enough everything I do is done bluntly or with false enthusiasm. I’ll have the occasional moment where I’m actually enjoying myself.. the moment is real and I’m living it.. but I’ll snap back to feeling glum very quickly and everything around me is distant and unlivable.

I get upset when people think I’m just being ‘moody’ because that isn’t the case at all. I really struggle to feel proper emotion and anything that’s there just comes out as negativity. I don’t have the time to diffuse it.

I am just not myself at the moment.

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