hope and positivity.. ruined.

I don’t feel as though I’ve been posting as much recently but here’s a quick update.

I’ve been feeling a little hopeful today. I looked around at the girls I knew I was jealous of on the train and instead of feeling pure envy, I just hoped that I would be able to live up to their beauty and style pretty soon. I felt alright at work as was nursing two dogs and generally was busy until the end. I text my boyfriend to say that I’d like to go to Starbucks to grab a hot chocolate. I was even considering eating chicken stir-fry for dinner. I was absolutely fine getting into the car. He mentioned that we would be watching ‘Lets be Cops’ tonight. So I decided to google it. big mistake. 

Seeing that the cast list included Nina Dobrev put me off all chance of consumption I had tonight. I’m jealous of her in the Vampire Diaries, but my boyfriend doesn’t watch that. The very though of watching this film with him and his flat mate immediately made me want to cry. She’s so perfect and sexy – how can I compete with that!? 

I really do not want to sit there knowing that they will be gorping at her, and I’ll just be sitting there being all fat and ugly.

All positivity I had for tonight has instantly gone.

One thought on “hope and positivity.. ruined.

  1. You have to learn acceptance.Accept that you have a beautiful face,body,eyes….and there’s your boyfriend that apreciates all that.There’s no competition in sight,except in your mind.
    Next time when you wanna instinctivilly want to say NO to something fun,say YES and try to overcome your fears.START LIVING and stop beeing afraid to do so!
    (it was the hardest thing to do for me,but when you’ll look back in couple of years and see the achievements, you will love yourself even more for doing so).Baby steps!


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