after finding myself crying on my way too and at work today, I realised just how terrified I am to let go of the control I have. My ED still has a hold of me, and I feel forced not to give in to anything but the ED. I feel like if I eat and don’t purge, I have failed. I’m too scared to eat but I’m also too scared not to eat. Every time I try to eat just to be ‘normal’ I feel the immediate urge to abuse my body in one way or the other, because I am ashamed of myself.
My therapist gave me the (linked) article to read. I suppose it does make sense to me, so I figured I would share it and see if it would help anyone too.
with (struggling) love, h xx