Anything I’m Not

imagethese are some lyrics from a song by one of my favourite artists ~ Lenka – Anything I’m Not.

I feel like they describe a little how I’m feeling at the moment with myself and how, although I am happy with my life, I’m not happy with me.

This week really hasn’t been a comfortable one. I’ve eaten a few whole meals in my ‘attempt’ to get some ‘normality’ back into my life and make it look as though I’m actually ‘trying’.. but truth is.. I can’t do that. I’ve been abusing laxatives so much that it’s putting me through some digestive complications. I’ve been lying to everyone about it too. And even the thoughts about cutting are getting worse. I can be so sneaky about all of this.. no one will know.

I have this hunger to feel empty. To feel weak but satisfied. I want to look at myself and not see fat and bloat. I want to see something I’m not. Something good.

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