today has been somewhat better.
I was tired from being awake all night and in the early hours, but I’m going through a stage where I’m pushing my body through anything. I had written a long list of I things I needed/wanted to get done today – and (to my amazement) I did pretty much all of them.
Im not so bothered that my body is tired and I’m working it harder to get through the day, otherwise I feel like I will fail.
Mum is still irritating me – actually, home is just frustrating me. I can’t be myself here anymore. I can’t go about my day dealing with my ED or depression without being nagged about it. I have these strange little rituals where I’m pacing and looking in cupboards and the fridge every-so-often because I can’t relax.
Knowing that my boyfriend would be coming over, I pinned the opportunity to really keep myself busy. I feel bad that he has to see me suffer at times, and I feel like he sometimes suffers just by watching me. I feel like I had ruined Christmas for many people, so tried to do a ‘belated Christmas’ for us two.
I have practically been in the kitchen all day. I made chicken broth, chocolate lollies (which, by writing this, have just remembered are still in the freezer), Christmas-themed cupcakes and a tea-pot of a fruity cocktail. I bought balloons and made the table pretty and did like a mini-tea-party type thing all through the evening, to make it extra special.
We did our prezzies and watched some TV – a genuine catch up which is 100% what I needed. I feel so safe with him around. I love him.
I like to keep to the things I have done throughout the years – one of these is pulling the wishing bone from the chicken. I saved it from my stock, cleaned it and sprayed it with gold to make it pretty.
My boyfriend pulled the bigger part, so he got to wish. Obviously I don’t get to know what the wish is, but I hope it comes true for him.
Thats me for the day. I leave for sleep on a more positive note.