well, post-418calories, I had another anxiety binge. I felt a tad shifty after the soup and toast, so I tried to focus on my Christmas wrapping and Narnia on the TV.
THIS, however, was shortly ruined by two small roast potatoes, three thin slices of beef, a dash of gravy AND, surprise surprise, bloody chocolates. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
I don’t know why my brain does this. My illnness is a mixture of depression, anxiety and ED.. I don’t understand anything. I instantly regret food. I hate the binge. I hate myself. I am not in control.
I have studied my body for 20 minutes while getting ready for bed. My stomach has bloated. I’m like a balloon. I feel that this will all go to my thighs, arms, legs, face.. everything. I feel fat. Tomorrow I cannot eat. I will not consume. I need to get ahold of my anxiety attacks, or at least deal with them in a different way.
I hate that my brain is listening to my body’s need for carbs and sugar.