why do I get anxiety binges with my ED?

well, post-418calories, I had another anxiety binge. I felt a tad shifty after the soup and toast, so I tried to focus on my Christmas wrapping and Narnia on the TV.

THIS, however, was shortly ruined by two small roast potatoes, three thin slices of beef, a dash of gravy AND, surprise surprise, bloody chocolates. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I don’t know why my brain does this. My illnness is a mixture of depression, anxiety and ED.. I don’t understand anything. I instantly regret food. I hate the binge. I hate myself. I am not in control.

I have studied my body for 20 minutes while getting ready for bed. My stomach has bloated. I’m like a balloon. I feel that this will all go to my thighs, arms, legs, face.. everything. I feel fat. Tomorrow I cannot eat. I will not consume. I need to get ahold of my anxiety attacks, or at least deal with them in a different way.

I hate that my brain is listening to my body’s need for carbs and sugar.

2 thoughts on “why do I get anxiety binges with my ED?

  1. It really sounds like your body is responding to you not feeding it properly. Your body is smart and when you are malnourished, it will get the food it needs. When you haven’t eaten in a while, your body wants carbs and sugar for quick energy. I really hope you decide to eat tomorrow, and will start to try eating normally, because this will just become a vicious cycle and won’t help the depression and anxiety. I know it is so hard to break, but maybe if you can think of the consequences in the long term, it will help. Good lucky girl.

    Liked by 1 person

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