I am definately not myself today. I mean, I don’t know what/who myself actually is anymore.. but I know I’m not right. I am a little frustrated, actually, at my mum, step-dad and boyfriend. I heard them talking about me this morning. About my eating. I made two crumpets and a tea for my boyfriend, and when mum asked if they were for me I replied with ‘no’.. I should have said yes. Save the hassle. The drama. Save the ‘tutting’
I overheard them talking about me in the kitchen, though. Mum was asking my boyfriend when I last ate. Asking why I’m not eating. My step-dad kept repeating ‘she’s not eating now?!’ ‘what!?’ just endless. I’m not necessarily angry about this.. just feel as though I can’t trust anyone to not talk about this. I know they love me and worry.. but they don’t understand. Mum is less understanding of all, my step-dad, I don’t know who involved him.
Work really distracts me. We have a dog with diabetes in so are doing regular glucose tests on him. At the first needle, I actually found it difficult to tolerate. That’s unusual for me. I’m good with all things animal/vet nursey. I had to look away to prevent a dizzy/anxiety spell.
We are receiving so much chocolate, shortbread, biscuits etc. from clients too – ‘happy holidays to all veterinary staff’.. I have had to put all food upstairs in the kitchen – out of sight, out of mind.
I have had a very upset stomach now too. I won’t go into detail, but I didn’t realise a dodgy digestive system was all part of this? I’ve hardly consumed anything?
I can feel myself getting used to everythinghowever. I have immediate determination if I fail myself and my body. Tonight, I will seriously jog. On my lunch break, I will walk into town for the whole hour.
I hate obessing.. but I am such an obessive person. I think this is what drains me the most. I am keeping my brain awake almost 24/7. I am also having very odd dreams recently.. a Christmas tree fell on me in one dream, and I dreamt about a glass of water overflowing the other.
I do so much rambling. But I must stop now.